Why a Boy from Vietnam?

In the months I've been working on my adoption, many friends and family have asked how I chose Vietnam as the country I'd adopt from, and why I've chosen to specifically request a baby boy.

Vietnam was a tough decision but it is one that I am very commited to now. I knew that I wanted to use Crossroads Adoption for my process - knowing someone who has used them and recommended them again and again made a difficult search easy. I spent hours reading through all of the programs Crossroads manages. The agency Director, Ann, was kind enough to sit down with me a couple of times to walk me through details and the tough decision. First, I'm single and I knew that for my first child I wanted to experience parenting an infant - so that crossed off several countries for me right off the bat.

First I got my heart set on Guatemala. But as time went on, I came to accept that financially Guatemala wasn't going to work for me. Plus there are a lot of things happening politically with adoptions in Guatemala and it is not necessarily a certain place to work with right now. Then I got my heart set on Nepal (after I looked up Nepal on a map to figure out where it is!). There is certainly a big need for the children in that country. But, it is a very unstable country in many ways, and adoption there is not for the faint of heart. Adoption from any country has it's challenges, but the process in Nepal is difficult. I decided that the path to Nepal, at least given it's current climate, was not the right fit for me.

Ann again mentioned that they were working on a program for Vietnam and that it really would be a good fit for singles. She thought that they were very close to getting their license, so I worked on learning more about the country and program. Of course the more I learned, the more attached to the idea I got. I read so much about what a beautiful country, culture and group of people Vietnam has. And to learn that a large portion of my in-country fee for the adoption will actually benefit children there was very meaningful to me. So while it took a while for me to discover that my child would come from Vietnam, it is now such a core part of my decision that I can't imagine changing. For a bit, when we just didn't know what would happen with the license issue, I was stressed not knowing what I should do - how long I was willing to wait, and whether or not another country was a better fit or did I need to look at changing agencies? Luckily today those became non-issues!

Then, how did I decide to specifically request a boy? In the beginning, I absolutely thought a baby girl was who was in my heart. One night after visiting with family, I started really thinking about why I thought that way and I thought back over all my years of experience with kids. I actually graduated from college with a license in elementary education, and worked/volunteered for the YMCA for years and years in just about every possible capacity. I realized then that the majority of my most memorable experiences were with the boys! Seems like they were the ones who most consistently grabbed a little piece of my heart. I think there is a special bond between every parent and child, but as I thought through my own personal experiences, I really thought about the special bonds I've seen between daughters and dads, and sons and moms. I came to realize that I would love to be able to raise a son.

In addition, most adoptive parents who request a gender request a girl. There are a lot of great reasons for doing that - and I hope that someday I'll be able to adopt again (even hoping several times but don't want to get ahead of myself!) and I'm sure I'll hope for a girl one day too. I've had my moments of wavering - and perhaps I should have just left gender open - but since I decided on a boy that's all I've been able to picture.

So that's a bit about how I got to the point I'm at now! I'm very comfortable in the decisions I've come to so far about this. A little panicky tonight, realizing that this really will happen now and I have an awful lot to do to get ready, but I still have a good amount of time... At least the train is starting to move along the track again, thank goodness!