Thursdays Still Suck

Sigh... As I've mentioned before, I've noticed I get a bit emotional and such on Thursdays - my agency is closed on Fridays (and technically my SW only works Tuesday through Thursday) so if a great update isn't received on Thursday, it's a long weekend waiting until good news is possible again.

But for THIS Thursday, I KNEW we'd have a decent update. I 100% knew that we'd find out that the dossier translations (still the first three for the agency, if you recall, not mine yet) would be done and the paperwork would be summitted or soon to be. And that in another week or two we could start moving again. I mean, that had to be the update, because the PREVIOUS Thursday I'd been told the translations were in progress and would take about another week. So I wasn't very nervous this week - thought ok, running a little behind my imaginary schedule (thinking my dossier would start moving around 5/15) but we're getting close...

Let me step back a sec to explain the "we"... I've been able to connect with three other families also with the VN program with my agency. "S" and I communicate the most - definitely weekly, sometimes more. I am SOOOO grateful I've found her because seem to generally be eerily on the same page. If I'm freaking out, she probably is too, so if I'm crazy then we both are - it helps to know that. So a few weeks ago, she'd joked (and I'd been about to suggest) that we should trade off stalking our dossier person for updates - by trading off each week, we still each get info but look more patient! And why have both of us ask if we're just going to immediately email the other one anyway, right? It's been working pretty well! So it was S's turn to check in this week. And I'd just emailed the other single PAP "L" Thursday morning, her dossier is one of the ones in translation and I'd owed her an email.

So imagine my shock when a) I see an email from S around 10:30 and the subject line is not good. Then boom - an email from L with not good news. Before I can even fully reply to S, my social worker calls.

Ok, this is either great news or bad news. Knowing how this has been going, and seeing my post title, you can guess which. Oh, wait, my SW said that they (agency) knew this wasn't good news but didn't necessarily think it was bad news - you can come to your own conclusions...

First topic of business... Our agency had entered into agreements with four orphanages in Hanoi and one, we think, in another provence - I believe Thang Hoa or something like that. This week, all four Hanoi orphanages pulled out of the agreement, citing that they are already working with other agencies and apparently can't serve both them and us. Huh? All at once? Why did they enter into the agreements back in March to begin with then? And I know other orphanages work with multiple agencies, so it's a possible arrangement. I have my suspicions about what is propeling the sudden change, given my addition to the Yahoo message groups, but perhaps there is some other logical reason. In any case, we suddenly have little to work with. Oh, they're already talking with other orphanages, submitting for approval, it should fall into place. How long will that take? Well, we don't know.

Also... All throughout this process, we have come to "know" C & R, the couple in Hanoi working for HSCV (the humanitarian organization my agency partners with, which essentially IS Crossroads in VN). Everything that develops has C & R tied to it - they are working on the paperwork, checking with the officials, taking pictures, providing updates... So also this week - not to worry, but C & R are leaving HSCV. They are young and recently married and looking to move in another direction to build their future. I totally understand that, they certainly need to do what is best for them, but cripes - C & R are now gone too (or will be soon). Don't worry, they're already interviewing for new facilitators. Ahhh! Again, being an addict to yahoo groups, who your facilitator is happens to be a big deal in VN. I felt very confident in C & R - they were new to the adoption work, but not new to working with an ethical entity in VN, knew the hospitals, officials, orphanages, etc. Sure, there is other HSCV staff working on the program and they'll bring on somebody new, but I find it very unsettling.

So suddenly now there basically is no program at all in VN - I go from being a couple of weeks away from sending my dossier to goodness only knows. Yes, being a "pioneer" family with the program will have it's bumps and bruises. Yes, it is an unpredictable program. But right now, there is essentially no program and no timeline.

Crap-dang.

And to make it that much better, we just had NO IDEA we were about to get this kind of update - really felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath us. Of course the agency is trying to spin it positively, but I think they sincerely just do not know how things will progress.

Thursday was not a good day.

Thank goodness I have some supportive friends and family who let me vent and ramble (who, me? ramble???) and flush out ideas. Yesterday and today has been spent mostly on the laptop educating myself on other possibilities. I will be talking to my SW on Tuesday again (when I can speak without crying, to be honest) to see if anything has developed and to discuss options.

I will say this - I like my agency. I have a great rapport with my SW (who teases me that I really am allowed to check in more often and I am not yet near the line of pesky, and even if I am, that is ok!). I believe my agency is ethical and honest. I think they are sincerely trying to get this in place. If anything, I strongly suspect that the obstacles we are running into are probably tied to the fact that they are ethical and honest, trying to implement a program in a place that seems to be fraught with ethical challenges. So I am not looking to leave my agency.

It took me a while to find my way to VN as the place where I thought my son was. I practically have my agency's program list/requirements memorized - I'm single and want an infant, so that crosses half the programs off the list. I have ethical concerns about both Guatemala and Nepal, check those off the list. I'm not willing to pay an extra fee to a country just because I'm single, check another one off... I started looking more into Vietnam and for many reasons came to believe that was where I was meant to adopt from first. I hope to do additional adoptions in the future, maybe domestically, maybe VN again, maybe somewhere else. But I really thought VN was where I was meant to go first. Maybe it still is, but I'm just getting a gut feeling that perhaps it is not. There are some things I need to learn and questions I need to ask. To quote another favorite blog of mine when they were facing a similar situation, change is in the air. Or at least might be in the air.

It is a little tough to think you are so close to making progress and then get kicked in the gut. I may stay put and stick it out. I may change to a different program. I may try to pursue a couple of options concurrently. I'm not sure yet. It's not that I'm fickle and just trying to jump to the fastest option - that is not it at all. But how long does one wait for a program that just is not happening? I'm getting such a gut feel about this, and I think sometimes you have to give credence to that gut feeling.

At least today I am following a fantastic aunt's advice - don't get sad, get mad. Ok, I'm not mad, but I'm not curled up in a ball hiding and crying, I am online gathering information. I'm talking to those around me to get a sense of what makes sense. Sometimes being obsessive has it's advantages!

So next week should be interesting. And by the way, I'm only really obsessive when it comes to this adoption and anything related to it. It's not a normal state of mind for me (which can be easily verified by seeing all the boxes I have yet to unpack from my move three years ago - ugh!). Just thought it might be good to clarify that point, in case anyone was growing concerned!

There's my update - and I would love to change my experience with Thursdays. I think I'm due for things to start moving in a positive direction, right?

Thanks for bearing with me today!