Crabapple Alert

I have been really quite cranky the past couple of days. I have solidified a few learnings about myself:
1) I am not a patient person.
2) I become quite squirrely after about 10 days of inactivity in my adoption world. That does not bode well for the many, many steps I still have ahead
3) For some reason, Thursdays lately are the days where I start to get crabby. I suspect it is because my agency is technically closed on Fridays, so then as Thursday passes I know there will be no potential for news for several days.
4) I am completely addicted to reading blogs. My mom has always said that "they" say it is harder to quit smoking than to quit heroin. I would challenge it may be even harder to quit reading blogs than either of those. Luckily I shall never be in a position to test that, having no smoking nor heroin addictions, but don't try to take my blog reading away from me!

I'm not even sure why I'm feeling cranky about things this week - I knew there would be no adoption news. I think it's maybe because now it's May, my dossier has been "ready" since February 14th, and nothing is happening. I've known for years I wanted to adopt, and knew it would be from Crossroads and Vietnam for months before submitting my application, so now that I'm in the mix of it all I just WANT PROGRESS. I know in 1-2 weeks I'll likely be jumping for joy with news it is moving again, but in the meantime it just feels like this will never progress. Last night during my own personal pity party I was contemplating throwing in the towel altogether - forget adopting. Even as I thought it I knew I didn't mean it. But somehow it's like I thought by threatening the Adoption Gods I'd spur things into action. I might actually be losing my mind.

I was so annoyed by it all even the blog reading didn't help last night - I barely checked all the newest posts! What I did make the mistake of doing was look through my refinance paperwork around midnight, to find the answers I had not received from the broker earlier this week. Let's just say that everything he said was in place and worked out did not happen. I'm too annoyed to even contact him, especially when it is all now final because I didn't realize I had the paperwork until last night. I think it will work out ok, but not as he promised and it will be more work for me. Why is it so hard for people to just DO THEIR JOB???

Sigh... Ok, but I warned you in the blog title, right? Like I just read on another blog - it's hard to wait and keep a positive attitude and sometimes you just don't feel like it.

So to try to talk myself into being a bit more positive here heading into the weekend...
1) I'm grateful for my laptop with the ability to track the blog feeds so I can feed my addiction! I had a hard time justifying to myself I actually NEEDED a laptop, but not anymore!
2) I'm grateful for having a job where I can just hide out at home, and if I don't feel like working much on Friday I can just do it later in the weekend. Yes, I'll kick myself Sunday wondering why I always do that to myself, but at least I can if I want.
3) I'm grateful that I'm pretty sure I'm not the only out there who has hit these kinds of days!
4) I'm grateful for TV shows that crack me up like The Office and Run's House. Quality TV, I know. But last night and today I needed those laugh-out-loud moments and I had several. I am actually a new addict to Run's House (on MTV) - resisted the movement even though I was hearing the hype on the talk shows and such, but honestly, I find it hilarious. The kids may be privileged and spoiled, but they are good kids and the parents are very dedicated to parenting. It's a nice change of pace from what you often see elsewhere.
5) I'm grateful that my aunt is out of the hospital and that her last chemo/CA125 finally seemed to be turning around. She starts chemo again this week and I hope it goes ok. She's like a sister to me (Gidget's mama, the puppy in the last post) and though I know this is all a little cryptic, I am grateful that maybe things are on a better track for her treatment. I need her to stick around.

I'm sure there's more, but as usual this post is novel-length so I shall leave it at that...